Extortion and extreme skateboarding

15 Jan

I never liked Disney. We were a Warner Brothers household which probably explains how I have managed to visit Florida oodles of times and avoided the Magic Kingdom on all but the first visit (you have to try things I say – and it bites me on the bum more times than I care to mention). We’re definitely Universal Studios peeps, at Universal Studios they sell ice cold beer from mobile carts, there’s an Irish pub with draught Guinness, there’s a Hard Rock cafe – duh! Blow Disney.

Sprog 3 is sadly a sucker for Playhouse Disney. When I abdicate my parenting responsibilities to the toob in the corner, or flat plasma screen for those who don’t speak “media ancient” (go Betamax yourself) Playhouse Disney is  his channel of choice. He knows it’s channel 611 and the only reason he doesn’t sit there all day is we’ve worn out the numbers on the Sky remote so he hasn’t a clue how to pick it himself… though he has hacked the parental lock just clubbing the remote with his fist so if I left him long enough and the will was strong I’m sure he’d punch his way to Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse eventually. plpeteWho is this bastard Pete? I had to Wikipedia him as I’m pretty clueless with regards to Disney unless it’s Disney/Pixar, in which case I’m totally smitten. This Pete bloke is a bit of a baddie, Mickey’s nemesis, but is considered today to have been toned down for the pre-schoolers and more or less harmless. WTF? He’s an extorionist kay-nut. Mickey and co will be toodling along quite happily when up  pops this Pete character to block their way, demanding payment with menaces before they can pass. AND THEY PAY UP! What sort of social engineering is this? What lesson does my little man learn? When there’s a big bully blocking your way you just do as he says, pay the man and life will run smoothly. Screw that.

I’ve always had a particular problem with Mickey Mouse anyway. I’ve never been comfortable with the anthropomorphic dichotomy that is Pluto and Goofy. Goofy (the dog) talks and wear clothes and is an accepted member of Disney society. Pluto (the dog) who doesn’t have the communication skills of Goofy, is kept as a pet, naked, and sleeps outside in a kennel.  A damning indictment of how we treat those non normative members of society who are, for whatever reason, unable to participate in and communicate with the “normal” majority? Or a cute dawg? Taketh thy pick.

OK I had to dig a bit for all that, Pete the extortionist was fairly obvious but how’s this for Gross Negligence Cute Disney Style? handymannyHandy Manny, he’s a latino jack-of-all-trades (my kid can count in Spanish and they will force French on him at school – nyah). He’s totally cute with a bunch of talking tools and he gets the job done. In one episode he builds a ramp to give the skaters in the park somewhere to hang out, it’s cool. Only the tools want to have a go, and being deficient in the limb department it’s no easy thing to skateboard. So these stupid kids pick up these tools and take them skateboarding – these kids are scooting up and down this ramp holding screwdrivers, a wrench, a pair of pliers. At least they thought better of skating with the saw in hand. I have trouble getting Sprog 3 to hold onto the lollipop stick when he’s walking, sucking and walking requires a degree of co-ordination boys can’t achieve until they are much older when they advance to running amok with a lollipop in their mouth because they want to and you have nothing of value to say to them – eventually they quit walking altogether and just concentrate on sucking. Now my darling 3rd born has found this allen key and he want to take it everywhere he goes. Thin, hard, metal things and moving fast on 3 year old legs – it’s just incompatible.

Talking of extreme cartoons – Cracked’s 5 Classic Cartoons They Don’t Want You To See – and I whine about a skateboarding with a screwdriver (I did get that the right way round yeah?)

Incidentally, Disneyland Paris is lovely – I’m  just a ferret’s nest of contradictions me.

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2 Responses to “Extortion and extreme skateboarding”

  1. SingleParentDad January 7, 2010 at 11:29 pm #

    I’ve never been near a Disneyland, and find the whole Disney effect somewhat rotten. Yet after buying me a blu-ray player, they had me in their pocket. Thus contradictions abound here too.

  2. acciweehats December 14, 2011 at 12:20 pm #

    I do not agree …

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