god is skint

15 Apr

I found today, snuck in between the documentaries and cartoons, 16 GOD channels on Sky TV. Sixteen. Can you tell the sun’s not out? The vast majority of these were icky christian begging channels.

"You've still got"
flick
"our lines are still"
flick
"open and waiting"
flick
 "praise god there's still time" 
flick
 "for your call"

Horrible greasy little bottle tanned men in shiny suits and too much make-up telling viewers god wants them to pledge cash. I felt contaminated. My daughter couldn’t even look. The funniest one was an English guy, a greasy pasty faced man in a… weirdly reminiscent of Edwardian times… collarless suit, trying desperately to emulate the fervour of his American “betters” (it’s a relative thing, your average English minister blowing up in this manner usually recovers after a cup of tea and a lie down, they’re just not cut out for evangelism, they’ve enough to do fretting over flower display committees and jumble sales). Sadly the only people who are offered any benefit from these cash transactions are the givers. God appreciates a bit of a bung now and again, apparently. He must have the same cash flow problem as me. Now I know that’s so much bullshit, but I at least expected some pretense that the pledged money was intended for some good work or charitable purpose. Nah. With no shame whatsoever these odious cretins are happy, even proud to proclaim that god wants the money to keep their channel on air delivering his message, which is, I assume “Have you got any spare change mate?”. Manure.

There was one I got stuck on for a while and it wasn’t begging it was selling. Things and stuff. But mainly conference tickets and opportunities for get-togethers. In dollars. With a voice over by a southern gentleman, talking about what you could get for how many dollars. And there weren’t enough lines to make a decent picture on my British telly. My folks lived in Georgia fora few years. I left it on cos I felt like I was on holiday.

I follow

god

on

That’s one stinky ol’ desktop that needs upgrading.

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