Nobody told me it would be like this

21 Apr

When you claim your place in society as a SAHM it conjures up all sorts of shit doesn’t it?

“I’d bake and paint and do the garden”

No. You wouldn’t. Well you might. But if you did I certainly wouldn’t shame myself visiting you to witness your perfect facade. Feel the loss.

After my daughter was born I worked full-time. Just before my first son was born I joined the ranks of single-parenthood. No tragedy involved, unless you consider giving him the choice between me and the dogs and him picking the dogs a tragedy… of sorts. Afterwards I returned to work part-time. Fast forward through years of financial independence, property buying, car driving, holidays in the US/Canada and shoes on my feet (not trainers – it was a rather well paid part-time job) to now. New man, new baby, new kind of mum. I made a deal you see. No more babies unless I get to stay at home and raise them myself. No practitioners, no professionals, no delegation. Just me. At home. With the baby.

And I do enjoy most of it. I get the odd envious “Ooh I’d love to not work” from mothers I meet who do work, which makes me feel all warm and smug. But not one has ever made the insane claim that they’d love to stay at home with their child,  it’s just that they’d love to not work.

The major drawback is that, for me, every day is Friday. You know that “Yay it’s Friday crack open the wine!” feeling? The “I don’t have to work tomorrow what shall we do tonight?” feeling? The one that in a previous life meant I never quite made it home after work on a Friday til after midnight? The one only I have as everyone else in my family has work or school the next day. You thought it was shit-boring being at home all day? HAH! Try living every night as Friday night when you’ve got nobody to go out with.  That’s what being a SAHM mum feels like. Six Fridays a week with no mates. The freedom to go anywhere, anytime, but no way of getting there.

So dear family, this explains why I am so pissed off at the weekends when you lot can’t be arsed doing anything or going anywhere with me. You’re all so busy all week working and teaching and learning, whilst I wait for the weekend. And nothing happens. You either carry on working, you sleep all day or you zone out. I get this. I do. But it means the weekends, and indeed holidays, are kinda like the weekdays for me… and they’re really not that great. So if you come home from school one night and me and the young ‘un aren’t here, fret ye not. We’re off having fun without you on our own timetable. The hire-car bill will be on the kitchen table beside the beans and the tin-opener is in the drawer next to the sink. It’s the blue thing with metal bits. Not the white thing with metal bits. That’s a corkscrew. Enjoy.

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4 Responses to “Nobody told me it would be like this”

  1. Princess K April 21, 2009 at 2:11 pm #

    Every now and then I think, “Gee, when we finally get a house of our own, I think I’ll start baking and painting and gardening!” For a moment, I have these delusions of Marthaism where I picture huge family dinners every Sunday and house parties and tea on the veranda surrounded by roses.

    Then… I open my eyes to Cheerios on the floor, blocks on the couch, and legos in the subwolfer of my surround sound (true story)!

    Suddenly it dawns on me that I hate kitchens, can’t paint, and have the Black Thumb of Hades! At that moment, I have no urge to quit my job and be a SAHM because I need the money to pay for the cook, painter, and gardener.

    As for the extra time I’d get with the kiddo? While I love her dearly… I’m seriously considering offering her up as a time-share because Daddy & I are about sapped!

    • mrsw April 21, 2009 at 2:56 pm #

      I once called out a Canon engineer 3 days before the end of my 5 year extended warranty who – much to my shame after 10 years in IT support – found and removed an Action Man (British GI Joe, macho, muscle-bound, dick-less doll) missile from my “faulty” bubblejet printer. It was worth approximately 17p at the time – certainly not as much as the missile. He laughed.

      I can also kill yucca plants. I’ve been told, with just a hint of scorn, that’s a pretty hard thing to do.

  2. mrsw April 21, 2009 at 2:57 pm #

    Test Comment – OK – it’s just nested replies that are fecked up….. that helps… I think

    • mrsw April 21, 2009 at 2:59 pm #

      Test nested

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