You couldn't make it up and I didn't

28 May

Is blurking a verb? One lurks on a mailing list. What do you do when you lurk around a blog and don’t pip a squeak – I think the word is read. That makes me a reader over at Mama’s Losin It. I’ve been reading for what feels like… oh three days now. At least. I started out with stuff here to read but have gotten lazy and uninspired recently with words and relied on photos. But I couldn’t resist this weeks writers workshop. The tale needs telling if only so the kids grow up knowing where the permanent bruises on my forehead came from. I earned them.

I block withheld numbers and I joined the Telephone Preference Service several years ago so I rarely get calls except from companies I am already a customer of. The very few cold callers who do phone me are usually more than happy to remove me from their database when I explain that I am a member of the TPS which saves me reporting them to the TPS cos the less I have to do the better right? I keep it polite, it’s a crap job for crap money and they don’t need me being even more crappy to them to make their day any crappier. Except for this one dozy cow. She deserves something, but I can’t figure out if it’s a good slap or a medal for tenacity (which, incidentally, isn’t even a word according to the Chambers Dictionary – there you go – I’m using it anyway).

Me: Hello?

Dozy Cow: Hello Miss Hall? My name’s blah blah blah would you be interested blah blah blah (I switch off almost immediately)

Me: Sorry I’m not interested and actually I’m with the TPS so could you please remove me from your database

Dozy Cow: No I can’t do that

Me: (I didn’t expect that – I’ll have to adlib now) What? (inspired!)

Dozy Cow: I can’t remove you from our database

Me: But I’m with the TPS, you shouldn’t be phoning me at all

Dozy Cow: I can’t remove you, I don’t have the authority

Me: (sensing a sniff of a challenge) Can you put me onto your supervisor then?

Dozy Cow: No, she’s not here

Me: OK… can I have your address so I can write and ask to be removed from your database?

Dozy Cow: That won’t work

Me: Oh it will, just give me your address and I can write

Dozy Cow: Don’t know it

Me: (WTF?) You don’t know the address of the place you work?

Dozy Cow: No

Me: You don’t know where you work?

Dozy Cow: No

Me: You don’t know the name and address of your employer?

Dozy Cow: No

Me: (getting a bit peed off now) How do you get there in the morning then?

Dozy Ignorant Cow: Well obviously I know how to get here but I don’t know where it is

Me: (lost it) Oh FFS are you taking the piss? You manage to get to your work every morning but you don’t know where it is?

Stupid Dozy Ignorant Cow: It’s in Glasgow but I don’t know….

I hung up at this point. What was wrong with “I’m sorry I’m not allowed to give out our address, it’s a PO box for business correspondence only” or some other horse manure? I didn’t really care that much. Not until she started getting stupid above and beyond the call of Stupid Duty.

I need to calm down again now…. thanks Mama Kat for the excuse to open something chilled.

mamakat

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3 Responses to “You couldn't make it up and I didn't”

  1. Life with Kaishon May 28, 2009 at 2:55 pm #

    Oh my! What a stressful thing! And to refuse to take you off the list. Give me a break!

  2. Isabel Princes May 28, 2009 at 7:02 pm #

    Ha! That is hilarious!! BTW what does ‘FFS’ mean?

  3. Jenny May 29, 2009 at 5:49 pm #

    wow, that’s gay. not taking you off teh list? i’d kick ’em in teh balls. 😀

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