No Xanu!….. No!!!

20 Nov

Last week this dropped through my Mum’s letter box.

I’ve tried everything except willpower, deprivation and sticking to what I know is right. You can tell by looking at me.

I’ve been a member of Scottish Slimmers for so long I reckon they should be granting me lifelong member status. Every time I rejoin I am a stone heavier than the last time I joined. I’ve tried Weightwatchers. I’ve tried Atkins (briefly). I’ve tried not eating til 1pm. I’ve tried starting smoking again (yeugh!). I’ve tried 1200 calories a day and nothing over 4% fat. I’ve tried not weighing anything and I’ve tried only eating when I’m hungry.

I haven’t tried very hard. You can tell by looking at me.

Since the age of 25 I have been engaged in a war of attrition with food and probably underlying depression. But I’m a “get over yourself” sort of person and I suspect eating my way though the dips has masked any proper recognition of my state of mind.

OMFG, the “D” word! (never typed that before).

I keep hearing that as soon as I reach “rock bottom” I will act, I will do something about it and I will succeed. How fucking low is “rock bottom”?

Years of miserable holidays (well miserable me on fabby holidays) and pretending I don’t exist when a camera comes out have not moved me.

So why should this work?

Well why shouldn’t it?

Last night, armed with £40 and a couple of friends I crossed the threshold of yet another class with an answer.

It’s certainly a “new” answer, delivered by a team of two Herbal Life coaches. It’s not hard sell, you don’t have to buy any Herbal Life stuff, you don’t even have to follow their diet. You do have to pay them £40 for the prize fund and for every pound you put on you pay another £1. I don’t think my attitude is quite right yet as I’ve already stashed away a tenner for over Christmas, but with a top prize of £300 I’m hoping my attitude gives itself a shake and gets on board.

I know people don’t run these classes for the good of their heart, it’s their job, it’s their enterprise, but I was a bit taken aback when they told us they hold bi-weekly breakfast sessions in their home. They feed is. How lovely!

It crossed my mind at this point… “ah bugger they’re Scientologists…”

At the end we were invited to make appointments for a one to one session in their home where they use special scales… no tights, you need bare feet… “ah shit, definitely Scientologists…”

So I go today at 3. If I come back spouting any crap about depression not existing or sound a bit too yappy happy send someone round with a wet fish. I’ll be in need of a good slapping.


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5 Responses to “No Xanu!….. No!!!”

  1. Heather November 20, 2009 at 10:29 am #

    Am drilling hole in ice to catch fish as we speak…you have been warned!

    • mrsw November 20, 2009 at 11:05 am #

      I feel safer already….

  2. Marylin November 20, 2009 at 1:56 pm #

    Hope all goes well and they’re not weirdos! 😛

    • mrsw November 20, 2009 at 10:55 pm #

      Not too weird – she did try to sell me £45 of soya based protein powder. I politely explained I couldn’t possibly justify using a third of our weekly food budget for 5 on me all a lonesome – as if!

  3. Mwa November 21, 2009 at 3:23 pm #

    Good luck with it! I hope it works.

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