I AM in charge, I am too….

15 Jan

Ever since the little dictator learned to talk – and he was late – there seems to have been a shift in the balance of power in our house. Whereas before my older children would ask me if they could watch TV/play the Playstation/eat me out of house and home immediately they walked in the door after school… now, when I challenge them as they shove Oreos in their face whilst defacing Sackboys the usual reply is “Paul said I could”.


I’m well aware that the subtleties of power are almost impossible to understand in a melded family with step-parents, half-siblings, exes and such, but I find things usually work quite adequately when we all just agree that we do as I say and I am always right.


Lately is has become increasingly obvious that my Let.It.Go attitude has grown horns and turned on me. In my version of Let.It.Go we don’t correct Paul when he shows us a battered Hot Wheels car and proudly proclaims it’s a “Battle Car Super GX”… we definitely don’t say to him “DUH! there’s no such thing as a Super GX’. We Let.It.Go. The testosterone fuelled creatures my daughter and I share a home with are not so good at Let.It.Go… they all have to be RIGHT. I my Let.It.Go world I call this Being.A.Pedantic.Shithead.

The inevitable result of trying to combine Let.It.Go with Being.A.Pedantic.Shithead is that letting Paul be “right” about things that really don’t matter all that much, such as the accuracy of a “Battle Car Super GX” has somehow ended up with him being accorded the honour of being right about… well just about anything anyone wants him to be right about. So when I find Paul eating a packet of chocolate buttons 20 minute before dinner it’s because “he wanted them”, when I find the Playstation going full blast in the middle of Gotta Dance it’s because “Paul said I could”. Truly, if I had a Thornton’s champagne truffle for everytime I’ve been told “Paul said it was OK” you could stick a fat hat on my fat head and call me Jabba.

I’m surely not the only person who is capable of holding two opposing truths to be simultaneously true? Surely others are able to see the difference between correcting a child who uses the wrong word and correcting a child who uses their imagination to create weird, novel and yeah, “incorrect” statements?

And as for that Peppa Pig?

The animators of Peppa Pig have agreed, after receiving complaints from parents, to not only make sure future episodes show Peppa wearing a seatbelt, but to return and redraw all the existing episodes to include seatbelts. A seatbelt wearing pig in a dress. This is, according to the BBC, after a parent complained that her daughter refused to wear a seatbelt because Peppa didn’t.

Now I know the pack hierarchy is a bit screwy in my house at the moment but who put Peppa Pig in charge of anything? Does anyone actually know a parent like this? I moan about skateboarding with screwdrivers and extortion on the Disney channel, but I’m not altogether serious. I’m quite capable, when Mickey is training a sea lion, of explaining to Paul that “a circus isn’t a circus without a sea lion doing tricks” is utter bollox and sea lions are much happier free and frolicking in the ocean.

There must have been multiple complaints if the poor sods are having to go back and redraw Peppa and George strapped into the back seat for all two series. Those pigs drive everywhere. And what’s more they have no anchor points to speak of. Which begs the question, why can’t these moaning mums just point out to their children that Peppa isn’t real, she’s a pig, in a dress, she talks, her parents fall over a lot (OK maybe not quite so far from acceptable truth) and since you are real you wear a seatbelt.  Peppa Pig is not the boss of anyone.

That would be Paul





11 Responses to “I AM in charge, I am too….”

  1. Kelly January 16, 2010 at 12:43 am #


    I hope Violet doesn’t find out that Paul is in charge. We’ll be watching Dora Saves the Mermaids on a 27/7 loop if she does.

  2. Dan January 16, 2010 at 1:31 am #

    Peppa Pig isn’t on the BBC. it’s on 5 and Nic Jr.

    What was that about pedantic.shitheads again?

  3. Heather January 16, 2010 at 6:58 am #

    In that case I’m having Toblerone for breakfast. Paul said I could. I have to say this complaining woman’s children must be very observant, I can’t say mine notice such things.

  4. Dad Who Writes January 18, 2010 at 6:39 pm #

    We’re starting to get the “But mummy/daddy said I could?” trouble. When one of us is out of the house, of course.

  5. Barbara January 18, 2010 at 9:47 pm #

    Oh bugger. I’ve been going with the whole “yes dear, it’s a rocket, not an aeroplane”.

    Must re-think my entire parenting strategy.

    Thanks for the warning. Oh, and I won’t let them watch Peppa Pig either, just in case they get any ideas about tripping their parents up.

  6. Mwa January 19, 2010 at 2:21 pm #

    That Peppa Pig thing could only happen in Britain. Seriously.

  7. Trish@ Mum's Gone to January 19, 2010 at 6:04 pm #

    I can’t leave a sensible or witty reply to this as I’m laughing too much and I haven’t got time as my sausages are burning. I’ll think of something funny to reply once I’ve pressed the “submit” button no doubt. Fab post!

  8. tracie January 21, 2010 at 8:19 pm #

    Lol, too funny. I was just talking about this with my husband. I asked my son to hang up his clothes and he said but, that is not fun, mom. Great blog.

  9. SingleParentDad January 22, 2010 at 3:45 pm #

    Dear BBC,

    I am writing to you most as a most concerned parent. My children love ‘In the Night Garden’ but have become increasingly aware that there is absolutely no regard to Air Traffic Control, or air safety for that matter. The Pinky Ponk is woefully under-protected from any sort of attack, and appears to travel by any means possible, without guidance from the ground. This is scaring my children senseless who are refusing to go through any airport security checks, and wilfully bang the cockpit once on board any aircraft, insisting the pilot flies by the ‘quickest, yet prettiest’ route possible. This is making our weeks in Torremolinos barely worth the effort. I expect an apology, furthermore I have included my Sky + box so you can edit all the scenes on my hard drive to incorporate vigorous security checks, and air traffic control.

    Thanks in advance and good day to you.

  10. Not Waving But Ironing January 22, 2010 at 9:48 pm #

    Brilliant post, and loving your new swanky-pants design, Mrs W. Can’t top Single Parent Dad’s comment above, so I’ll just go and have a cup of tea instead. If Paul says it’s okay, that is.

  11. Liz (LivingwithKids) January 24, 2010 at 3:21 pm #

    I’m glad to hear that Peppa Pig isn’t the boss of everyone, that’s quite a relief. We never complain about kids’ programmes, not even that-one-where-they-blow-everything-up-that-used-to-have-Richard-Hammond-presenting-and-now-has-Vic Reeves-presenting-on-Sky. I’ve lost count of the ‘experiments’ that have stunk out the kitchen. Let.It.Go works for me up to a point, but I draw the line at glasses being filled with green slime.

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