I am sad and in the buff, two things not necessarily correlated

26 May

So… it seems that the best way to send me to blog tumbleweed town is to go and nominate me for a national award.

I’ve often wept at the contrariness of my boys, it has always been convenient to say they take after their Dads but I think, after 20 seconds of further consideration, I am the common denominator in that particular genetic soup.

If anyone else thinks it’s a good idea it’s a safe bet I won’t.

Me: “I really need to lose weight, you know, I’m so unhealthy”

Anybody: “Good idea!”

Me: “Ha! You think? You saying I’m fat? Watch me eat your weight in cheese and then tell me what you think… I’ll do what I want…now piss off while I order a curry, no TWO curries”

What is the matter with me?

All it took was some kind people to tick a box and say (figuratively of course) “The photos on your blog are not too shabby MrsW” and my camera has barely been out of its bag since. Nevermind actually posting anything here.

When I found out I was a MAD finalist everyone around me was urging me to go to the ceremony in September, but it bears mentioning that I am surrounded by people far less likely to brick it that sort of going it solo social environment. Me? I’m shit at this sort of thing, so I put every obstacle I could think of in my way. It’s a school day, two school days, everyone works, I’m the only one here to do pick-ups, it’s so far away, even cheap flights are expensive, just buy me a Photobox canvas and a bottle of wine and leave me the fuck alone!

I don’t like walking into a shop on my own, so what the hell was I thinking two days ago when I bought a flight from Edinburgh to Gatwick for 13th September?

I feel sick already.

Yesterday I took Paul to Broughty Ferry, it’s about 30 miles away and we don’t know anyone there. I sat for two hours and watched my self-assured, confident, enthusiastic and friendly four year old introduce himself to every child there, play with them all, join in, lead and follow in equal measure, give and take and connect.

And I was heart-breakingly jealous. Not for myself, I was thinking of another child. A child who’s more like me than me. A child who’s always found all that a bit more difficult to figure out.

The hardest lesson being a parent has taught me is that you can’t make your children happy, confident individuals. You try, you try everything you can think of that might work, you love them, bear their pain, shield them and shore them up, plead, beg, force, scream in frustration, praise, reward, love and then love some more but never quite shake that feeling that you’re missing the one thing, the right thing, the thing that will make them happy ever after people. If you could just do that one parent thing right before it’s too late…

Why do I find the fear and sadness in the good stuff?

Just contrary I guess.

This morning I booked my side sea-view king size bedded room at Bognor Regis, Butlins, I’ll probably make my room number know as soon as possible so if I don’t appear some bolshier blogger will hopefully come drag me kicking and screaming out of my safety zone. Otherwise I might have to resort to Tequlia and that aint pretty!

For something completely different, here’s a photo of me in The Buff.

Here’s why – you can visitΒ  here to sponsor or donate. Or buy a buff or a t-shirt. Or enter the raffle. Or all three.

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33 Responses to “I am sad and in the buff, two things not necessarily correlated”

  1. Dan May 26, 2010 at 11:46 am #

    He’ll find a way to channel that shyness, or at least deal with it. I did.

    And that Buff looks pretty damn good. Surely the next craze to sweep the nation?

    • mrsw May 26, 2010 at 12:00 pm #

      Thank you Dan – there’s nothing in the world I wish for more.

      As for the buff – yeah Bloggers in the Buff – should catch on πŸ˜‰

  2. henrietta pretty May 26, 2010 at 11:48 am #

    I was talking about just this thing with b the other day. Can we give our kids confidence? It’s all I want for mine. m sure they’ll be a blog to follow soon. Watch this spacen meantime take courage from your boy and get your arse down to bognor. Push yourself. I’ll bet you might just find a solo social butterfly on there after all. X

    • mrsw May 26, 2010 at 12:01 pm #

      Me and Jose Cuervo will prevail! πŸ˜€

  3. Kelly May 26, 2010 at 12:59 pm #

    My daughter has never been shy, really, only difficult to understand. Making playground friends is hard when no one has any idea what you are saying. Kids will literally just walk away and that is hard to watch. Her speech is improving by leaps and bounds now, thanks to the neighbor kids who keep saying to her, “What? I don’t understand what you are saying.” Since I am watching from the bathroom window, unavailable to translate, she’s had to fix it on her own.

    • mrsw May 26, 2010 at 2:44 pm #

      Even when you know it’s the right thing to do – stand back – it’s soooo hard. No matter how much they “grow up”. Who’d be a parent huh? Thankless bloody job…. I’m muttering now πŸ™‚

  4. Priness_L_88 May 26, 2010 at 1:02 pm #

    Even though it’s scary I’m sure once you meet the other bloggers you’ll have a great time. You already kind of know them through their blogs so it’s not quite the same as not knowing anyone. I really hope you do enjoy yourself and can start overcoming your shyness.

    • mrsw May 26, 2010 at 2:48 pm #

      Thank you for the encouragement Livi – I’ve never thought of myself as shy to be honest, I definitely wasn’t a shy child anyway! I think the feeling of social awkwardness arrived at the same time as my first baby, when I found myself situated with people I had nothing in common with other than the accidental birthday of our children – very weird – I didn’t take to all that and it’s sort of seeped into the rest of my life. I’ll probably be a lot better when (if ever) I get back into the world of working!

  5. veryanniemary May 26, 2010 at 3:10 pm #

    What the fuck? I go looking for you in Tara’s Gallery and you are not there! You are snivelling in the corner. Why? because you do good things and people noticed. GET OFF YOUR ARSE WOMAN or I will be forced to quote William Wallace at you and we both know that will not be pretty…especially since the only WW I know comes from the mouth of Mel Gibson.

    There – does that make you feel better? If I make you mad enough can you storm Butlin’s ramparts in fury instead of fear? OOOOHHH – just had a lovely thought – if I make you REALLY mad will you storm the ramparts in the buff?!

    • mrsw May 26, 2010 at 4:49 pm #

      I know! What the fuck? It doesn’t suit me really does it? Snivelling OR the buff πŸ˜€

      I had a terribly emotional morning – and I’m about to go fix it all with a chilled bottle of something with double figure proof. As you do. William Wallace would be proud…. mibbe.

  6. Marylin May 26, 2010 at 4:02 pm #

    *hugs*

    That is all.

    Well, maybe some wine too…

    You need to come over again soon!

    xx

    • mrsw May 26, 2010 at 4:50 pm #

      Wine is opened……. so is my gob. All is well πŸ™‚

      • mrsw May 26, 2010 at 5:43 pm #

        Neil’s gob also opened – wine finished – not so good 😦

  7. TheMadHouse May 26, 2010 at 6:34 pm #

    I am shy too and very awkward when out of my comfort zone, so we can be shy together! Why do you think I blog?

    • MrsW May 26, 2010 at 10:44 pm #

      Yay!

      I am guessing all those going to CyberMummy will be “over it” by September. It will still be new to me this MAD crowd πŸ™‚

  8. Kristin May 26, 2010 at 9:22 pm #

    God damn you look good in the buff woman!

    You know, I have one confident child and one very shy child. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m hoping the former, who is older, will help pave the way for the latter where I cannot (in school, etc). Life metes out its lessons. We sit on the sidelines and dole out hugs and often, that’s enough.

    • MrsW May 26, 2010 at 10:47 pm #

      lol – yeah – hot in the buff πŸ™‚

      That is not a misplaced hope, my daughter is the eldest and with her brother only being one school year behind her she’s always been there for him, often inconspicuously, but there nonetheless. They’re pretty tight.

  9. Kristin (Wanderlust) May 26, 2010 at 9:27 pm #

    Oh and congrats on your upcoming trip. I would feel the same way. Worried about not knowing anyone. Wanting to hide in my room the whole time. But I think it’s good you’re going. Yay!

    • MrsW May 26, 2010 at 10:48 pm #

      Thank you – bricking it – aaarrgggh!

  10. Heather Davis May 26, 2010 at 11:22 pm #

    Hey Mrs I will be there too and will most definitely make sure you are at that ceremony. This is all completely new to me as well and probably to a lot of the other finalists. It’s great you’ve taken the step. It’s the best lesson you can give your sons.

    • mrsw May 27, 2010 at 1:00 pm #

      Cool – better prepare the room door for a battering then πŸ˜‰

      (I’m feeling better already!)

  11. Kerry May 26, 2010 at 11:33 pm #

    As far as the shy thing goes totally understand that, and you do learn to cope with it. I am very shy always have been but I have managed it mainly due to a lot of close friends who let me sit in the background first until I am more comfortable.

    With regards to Bognor, I am feeling the same about Cybermummy am so excited to have won a ticket however on the day Mr L will be chucking me on the train as I wont want to go and will be too scared. But once I am there it will be great and I will love it!

    Bognor is lovely anyway, that is so near me didn’t realise it was down there! You will have a great time, my cousin works there it is fab! xx

    • mrsw May 27, 2010 at 1:03 pm #

      I’m thinking Butlins itself does look rather fab – may have to drag the family back if it meets my expectations πŸ™‚

      MrW won’t be shoving me on the plane (he’ll be at work) but the constant drip drip drip of “you should go, you should go, I think you should go, go” wore me down!

  12. If I Could Escape May 27, 2010 at 3:08 am #

    Hugs to you. Wish I could work out the logistics of going as well, but that would require massive sponsorship!

    • mrsw May 27, 2010 at 1:04 pm #

      Or stowing away in my luggage πŸ™‚ It is rather far from Florida. I think we’ll have to get you there via the magic of Skype, you can be the disembodied head in my laptop if you like – I’ll make sure to twirl you about a bit so you can see what’s going on πŸ™‚

  13. Mwa May 27, 2010 at 9:57 am #

    I feel what you mean too much. When someone nominated me for “funniest blog” I lost my funny. When people kept telling me my Bumba posts were so great, they dried up. And the children? Oh yeah.

    Try to ignore all the crap, dear – you’re lovely. x

    • mrsw May 27, 2010 at 1:06 pm #

      I always knew you were weird….. and now you’re weirdly me bwahahaha! Weird though isn’t it? I wish someone would compliment me on my huge arse then I could work on getting rid of it safe in the knowledge that I was being.. contrary!

  14. PippaD @ A Mothers Ramblings May 27, 2010 at 5:01 pm #

    I’m shy, I pretend that I’m not but I have admitted it on my blog (just like you have) but I know that when I go to Bognor (See you there!) that I will be less shy because I will know people because of their blogs and the unique insight that I get into their lives!

    • mrsw May 27, 2010 at 11:39 pm #

      I think it’s fair to say I am looking forward to it much more now than I was before I posted this πŸ™‚

  15. Jo Beaufoix May 28, 2010 at 12:06 am #

    It will be brilliant, you will be brilliant. I think everyone will feel the same and will be even more lovely than they usually are because of it. Either that or you’ll all be so p*sse that nobody will care.

    As for your shy one, he’ll be ok I’m sure. He’ll find his way and his place and confidence will hopefully come with age. I was soooo shy as a kid and still have moments now but I have amazing mates and am pretty happy with who and where I am, I’m sure it will be the same for your gorgeous boy. (Love that pic.)

    Thanks so much for posing in the buff too. I’ll add you to the linky on my site and some free raffle tickets will be on their way to you soon. Well be in touch.

  16. Jinedin May 30, 2010 at 8:17 pm #

    J*sus, surely all of us are shy, no? I thought that’s why we blogged? Darn it woman, it’ll be an amazing night – and it’ll be a taste of what it’s like to be famous, won’t it?
    “You’re MrsW!! Oooh, can I have your autograph? Here, let me help you up from the floor.”

    That’s not helpful, is it?

    Ach, go and revel in it. I’m sure bags of bints there’ll be bricking it too and as you say, Jose can alwasy hold your hand. I’ve always found him a happy little helper, if a tad overenthusiastic at times.
    Congratulations, and enjoy.
    p.s. My son’s a gregarious wee sod too. No ma genes, like.

  17. Jesse Zola June 1, 2010 at 9:44 am #

    very nice. good post

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Tweets that mention I am sad and in the buff, two things not necessarily correlated | clinically fed up -- Topsy.com - May 26, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Dan Hughes, NikkiiH. NikkiiH said: I'll see your bikinis and swimsuits and raise you – me in the buff http://bit.ly/91D95K […]

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